Four Seasons of Loneliness... One Angel to Love
by Archangela
Summary: Songfic... the song is by Boyz II Men... The title says it all.


Songfic: Four Seasons of Loneliness... One Angel to Love  
  
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Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion and all its characters belong to Hideaki Anno and Sadamoto Yoshiyuki. The song "Seasons of Loneliness" belongs to Boyz II Men. so don't sue me.  
  
Author's Note: Okay, so I love this song, and I love these two. I kinda think they go together like hot chocolate and marshmallows... mmm. Flames shall be doused with LCL. (isn't LCL flammable?)  
  
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Four Seasons of Loneliness... One Angel to Love  
  
*I long for the warmth of days gone by  
  
When you were mine*  
  
Shinji listened to the gentle murmuring of the night. He raised his head to the twinkling stars above... and sighed. The shining orbs of fire reminded him of a different kind of twinkle, a different kind of light... the kind of light that shone out of his angel's eyes... that light that he himself had extinguished forever. "And" Shinji thought "as that light in his eyes died out, I felt something die within me as well."  
  
*But now those days are memories in time  
  
Life's empty without you by my side  
  
My heart belongs to you  
  
No matter what I try*  
  
Day in, day out... it was there. The same, unmistakable twinges of pain. The memories filled with a kind of throbbing anguish that filled his thoughts... day in, day out. When he hears the word "Angel". When he sees Ayanami's red eyes. When, at night, when he is alone I bed, the thoughts come flooding back, bringing fresh tears and pain. He tried to love others... to show the love Kaworu had shown him... to no avail.  
  
*When I get the courage up to love somebody new  
  
It always falls apart 'coz they just can't compare to you  
  
Your love won't release me... I'm bound under ball and chain  
  
Reminiscing our love... as I watch four seasons change*  
  
The cold grass rustled softly under the boy's feet. He thought of how beautiful Asuka really was when she wasn't in a bad mood... and of the way Rei's face brightened... whenever she saw him.  
  
But no one... and no one's love, could ever compare to what Kaworu had shown Shinji... in his few days on earth.  
  
*In comes the winter breeze that chills the air and drifts the snow  
  
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe*  
  
A cool draft of air caressed Shinji's cheek, gently blowing away the tears that had begun to fall. "Kaworu..." he whispered. Their first kiss was magical, like nothing that had ever come to pass...  
  
He had wanted the kiss to go on forever... and the brown-haired boy knew, deep down inside, Kaworu had felt the same way.  
  
*When springtime makes its way here  
  
Lilac blooms remind me of the scent of your perfume*  
  
Shinji took in the cold smell of the night... that chilly darkness, the green earth underneath his feet... the almost-not-there scent of moonshine... and as he remembered... that was what Kaworu was. In those quiet nights, with Kaworu lying peacefully by his side, Shinji would breathe in his scent, trying to remember every little detail about his sleeping lover.  
  
Now, as tears fell from his dark blue eyes, Shinji finally realized: His Angel smelled of stardust.  
  
*When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you  
  
Go skinny-dipping in the ocean like we used to do*  
  
The ocean... where they first met. Slowly lifting his outstretched hands to the wind, Shinji called back the bittersweet memory of that first day...  
  
--- The red waters, or was it the setting sun? ---  
  
--- A tall, slim figure sitting on some of the wreckage in the waters ---  
  
--- Ode To Joy ---  
  
--- A smile... from a stranger ---  
  
--- Shining red eyes... shining with love ---  
  
His tears had begun to lessen, yet the ache in his heart was still there...  
  
*When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare  
  
When you're not here it doesn't feel the same*  
  
Around him, the trees shifted in the frosty wind, murmuring quiet comfort to the lost boy. He didn't listen, for to him, the only comfort would be Kaworu's arms around him... his breath in his ear... his lips on Shinji's.  
  
There was always something missing from his life... his father, his mother... his one and only love.  
  
*Remember the nights when we closed our eyes  
  
And vowed that you and I would be in love for all time  
  
Anytime I think about these things I shared with you  
  
I break down and cry 'coz I get so emotional*  
  
Shinji had cried too, that one night on the seashore... right after Kaworu had died... no. Right after he had killed Kaworu.  
  
--- Maybe I was born just to meet you --- he had said... whispered right into Shinji's ear.  
  
"And maybe... I should be killed just for killing you." Shinji declared sadly into the night sky.  
  
*Until you release me I'm bound under ball and chain  
  
Reminiscing our love as I watch four seasons change*  
  
Shinji crumpled into a ball, hugging his knees, tears beginning to slide down his already damp cheeks.  
  
The year was flying by, yet in his heart... there will always be a mark.  
  
The Last Angel.  
  
Shinji's First Love.  
  
*This loneliness has crushed my heart  
  
Please let me love again  
  
'Cause I need your love to comfort me and ease my pain  
  
Or four seasons will bring the loneliness again*  
  
His head in his hands, Shinji begged for some kind of release... something to stop the pain from overflowing.  
  
All he wanted... all he ever needed was the touch of a hand, a smile, a voice that told him that he actually did something well... he had all this once...  
  
And he had lost it all.  
  
And it was all his fault.  
  
*In comes the winter breeze that chills the air and drifts the snow  
  
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe  
  
When springtime makes its way here  
  
Lilac blooms remind me of the scent of your perfume*  
  
He knew he would never forget Kaworu.  
  
He didn't even want to try.  
  
All he could do was sit back and watch the heavens... waiting for a sign.  
  
*When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you  
  
Go skinny-dipping in the ocean like we used to do  
  
When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare*  
  
Shinji looked up at the stars, feeling that they were mocking him... shining so brightly when on one Earth, a planet among so many... on one patch of living land...  
  
There was one boy who needed love.  
  
*When you're not here it doesn't feel the same* 


End file.
